On Keeping Short Accounts
I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. I've noticed my body often realizes before my mind when I'm holding something against someone. Sometimes I get fidgety and restless after an interaction. Sometimes I get so agitated it feels like porcupine quills are going to burst through my skin. I get prickly and I can't figure out why.
I've been learning to listen to my body, to look where it points me, and to follow that towards a deeper truth.
Recently this happened after a phone call with a friend. A question she asked, the tone of it, left me with the prickles. I was in the car at the time and spent the drive stewing in feelings that I couldn't understand the root of and didn't know what to do with. It was my spiritual director who helped me draw the line between my sour feelings and pent up agitation and the need to forgive my friend. She led me to ask God questions like who do I need to forgive? and what do I need to forgive them for? and what lies am I believing that I need to release?
There is a forgiveness prayer I learned recently. It goes like this:
I forgive you for__.
You know not what you do.
I release you from all my judgements and expectations.
I give up my right to judge you.
I bless you and I love you.
I've found each line of that prayer to be incredibly powerful, replacing agitation and prickles with lightness and clarity. I'm learning to keep short accounts, to be quicker to sense what's happening in my body, to check in with God if there's someone I need to forgive, and to release them from my judgements and expectations.