God uses our unique season to speak to us. For me, that is often my children as we spend a lot of time together.
Recently I’ve been going on runs, pushing Kai in the stroller while Josie scooters next to me. For some reason she is obsessed with making me repeat this dialog exchange with her. It drives me bonkers!
Josie: “Do you notice something?”
Me: “Yes! We are going around in circles…”
Josie: “No, not that!…listen.”
She has specific words, inflections and desires to go through this dialog multiple times while we scooter/run. It leaves me with an internal struggle to get over myself, humor her and play along, although it feels like nails on a chalkboard.
This has been going on for a few weeks now. Then the other day something happened. Sam and I had an extra moment before the kids woke up. We were doing a devotional. It suggests “2 minutes of silence, stillness and listening to God” before and after (which we of course never have time for…) but today we decided to take those few moments. Sam had an image come to his mind.
Sam: “It was a scene of two bears pushing a stone mill...usually it is donkeys but for some reason it’s bears.”
Me: “Do you know what it means?”
Sam: “No, but you can’t make that stuff up.”
Immediately, the dialog from Josie came to mind and a flood of thoughts. I have big dreams, business ideas and house projects visions, yet often times feels like I am moving the ball down the field one millimeter at a time. Kids up, cloths on, make breakfast, clean up breakfast, get out toys, put away toys, make lunch, clean up lunch, laundry, cooking, cleaning, tag-teaming work/kids, bedtime, etc… It often feels like I am going around in circles…like the bears…like my lines in Josie’s dialog. Yet what stuck out was “No not that!!!….Listen….” That God was wanting me to hear something, notice something else.
I have been ruminating on this for the past week. Listen to what?? What am I supposed to hear?!?
So far I have two things:
1. In Sam’s image, the bears were walking in circles, yet progress was being made. God wants me to know that I am making progress.
A friend, Melonie McWade, said “we often over-estimate what we can get done in a day, and underestimate what we can get done in a year.” God wants me to remember that. Each day the sunset changes by two minutes. It’s almost unnoticeable in a day, yet in the middle of July-sitting outside till 9:30 pm or December feeling like you want to go to sleep at 6 pm, the change is overwhelmingly obvious.
2. When you don’t feel like you can hear from God, I was once encouraged to “Think of what was the last thing God told you to do? Go and do it!”
At first I couldn’t think of anything. Then felt God reminding me of His request to “be faithful to do the little things that need to get done.”
So I get up with the kids. And do the little things, and it’s hard. Josie, who woke up too early, throwing a tantrum because she wants me to make her a waffle and go upstairs to put her cloths on her at the same time. Kai is crying, just waking up, smells like poo, so I begin to change him, while Josie starts screaming that she has to go potty, can’t make it, peeing all over the floor and carpet. Waffle is burning, I’m overdue to nurse, so feel milk soaking through my shirt, naked baby in one arm, tripping over a mountain of laundry, throwing towels on the pee, consoling Josie as I get her into the tub (which is “too hot!”, then “too cold!”), diaper on Kai, unplug the waffle iron, change my cloths… It was a wild five minutes! I take a deep breath and keep moving forward. I feed the kids, leave the mess, load up and go for a run/scooter ride.
The daily routine often feels like an endless cycle, yet the internal movement I’m beginning to notice is palpable. I now know more is happening than just going around in circles. God is inviting me to listen, understand and participate in the bigger story He has for my life and our world. Josie’s dialog has taken on a whole new meaning and she, once again, is the mouthpiece for God in my life…
Josie: Do you notice something?
Me: “Yes! We are going around in circles!”
Josie: No, not that! ...Listen…
Questions to Consider
1. Who or what might God be using to speak to you?
2. What was the last thing God told you to do? Did you do it?