Trusting His Creativity
I’m halfway through my first pregnancy, and we just found out we’re having a boy. It came as a surprise to Conor and I who had already mapped out a fairly detailed life with the little girl we somewhat unintentionally decided I carried. We spent the months prior laughing about things we imagined she would say, making fun of how she would take bites of food too big for her mouth, how her hair was always a mess. We also shared our visions and questions about boyhood, but mostly I imagined the tenderness a teeny feminine spirit would bring out in both of us. There was, of course, a 50% chance we’d be wrong, but regardless we had latched on to an idea of our future in a way I hadn’t fully realized. While we are both excited and have shifted our mindsets, Conor and I lamented to each other days later how much we miss the little girl we thought we had. Because this feeling lingered, I finally brought it to God. Why was this so hard for me to shake? I felt God giving me the opportunity to let go of the plans I had made and make room for His. It was an opportunity to open my hands and trust His creativity. It is another chance to see that what I really need is Him and to trust He will give me what I need. All of this made me wonder how often, in other areas of my life, I craft detailed plans that look different than what God wants to give me. I don’t have a 20-week ultrasound appointment to validate the plans I’ve laid for my career, my retirement, my friendships or my marriage. But I suspect if I did, I’d see how much I hold onto things tightly when God has something for me that is different, and I ultimately believe to be better than I could imagine for myself.
So here’s some encouragement, if you need it, to make room for our creative God to work in ways we don’t expect. I wonder what we’ll find.